One day past my due date and nothing. All of my appointments were tentatively scheduled. Dave was home doing all the things I usually do; making breakfast, taking P to school and ballet, etc. I decided to take today to be a quiet day for just me and my body. I took a long walk with Penny, sat on the ball, organized the house a little more, took a very long shower and nothing. It was also a quiet day inside the womb.
The baby has been moving but I can tell changing positions is harder for her. She’s running out of room. There’s always something protruding from my belly; an elbow, a foot, a knee. A watched pot never boils and so a watched baby is probably never birthed. What to do when your baby won’t come out of your womb? For me, the best thing to do is bake, or cook, or do something yummy in the kitchen.
From the picture in the last post you will notice I have a line up of very ripe, brown bananas in the freezer. They’ve been waiting to be a part of banana bread and so today three had their wish granted. I made a different recipe from Orangette and it turned out just as delicious as my go to recipe from her book.
Since about my 18th week of pregnancy it never fails that when I cook the baby moves quite a bit. Tonight was no different. Well, it was different for me as every movement of hers is now painful. She pushes down on my pelvic floor and it feels as if she’ll separate my hips herself and push her way through. But through the movements and pain I can remain calm as long as I’m beating eggs or chopping up a delicious block of semi-sweet chocolate.
I’m trying not to worry about being past my due date. My biggest fear is that I’ll have to be induced as I was with P at 41 weeks and one day. But I remind myself that I have a different doctor this time. I have a much, much better doctor who listens to me and has been through my hell of numerous losses always supporting me physically and emotionally. I am scared about how painful it can be. As of right now I’ve come to think of the pain as a good thing. Each contraction is one step closer to meeting my daughter but it seems so scary. I fear the unknown. I could ask 1,000 women about their birth story and their sensations and I’ll get 1,000 different versions. There is no solid game plan or time frame. That is what has me most thrown off; no time frame. I can endure anything as long as I’m told how many seconds, minutes, hours or repetitions it will last. But no one knows in this case.
My body seems to be ready and I think at this point it’s my mind that has to gear up and let go of every fear it’s currently holding onto.