Against My Mother’s Advice

Against my mother’s advice I’m going to write about our latest news.  I’m pregnant.  It’s still very early, I think the farthest I’d be along is almost three weeks….if my calculations are accurate.  And, yes my mom is right. I should wait until the first 12 weeks have passed to share the news.  However, I don’t do anything as privately as her.  Plus, after having to terminate one pregnancy and miscarrying twice I feel I should talk about it.  


There is this fantasy that we get married, get pregnant and have multiple kids and rarely are there problems.  Truth is marriage is hard and often complicated. Miscarriages, birth defects and special needs children are a pretty common occurrence.    The only time people talk about all these issues is when they have them and know you’re in the same boat.  These things should be talked about so that when we do miscarry we don’t feel like its our fault.  It’s not. Most often than not there was nothing we could have done to change the outcome.  It just is what it is.  We are not failures and yet almost every woman I talk to feels that way when she miscarries.  


So I’m sharing because I feel I should and also because if things don’t go right I need the support of my friends. I’m not good with suffering in silence.  And the third reason is because I’m already showing.  It’s pretty crazy how quickly my belly is spreading.  However, I won’t be posting it on my Facebook profile. I just want to write about it here….where I write my thoughts for my closer friends and some strangers to read.


I’m really excited to be pregnant.  My mind wants to worry and go to the dark side but I’m fighting  hard to stay in the positive zone.  Whenever I worry about pregnancy complications I visualize giving birth to a happy, healthy child.  I visualize what life will be like in the first 24 hours of having this child. I visualize this child playing with P as a toddler. I keep telling God I have faith in Him. I have faith He’ll provide us with the best scenario for our family.  I’m working hard to stay positive.  At yoga on Tuesday  I read this quote “Worrying is praying for the things you do not want”.      I’m letting go of the worry.


P had a dream last week. She woke up telling me about her sister.  She told me she met her sister.  Not much of what she said made sense but she kept repeating that she had met her sister.  I’m guessing we are having a girl.  I wasn’t going to tell P about the pregnancy but she seems to be very aware of it in her own ways.  This morning I talked to her a little bit about who was in my belly.  She continues to call the baby “my sister” instead of the usual “baby brother, baby sister”.  


I’m so delighted. And I’m also so tired so I’ll end on that note.