We went on a road trip to Seattle over Memorial Day weekend and a few days after. P has spent the last 11 days with both D and me. This is such a treat for both of us. I love it when we are all together. I also feel very blessed that D takes over watching P so I get time to myself. The poor man though! P can certainly give him a run for his money.
When it’s the three of us the dynamic changes. I try to step back and let D have a relationship with P. I want him to find his ways of getting her to listen and have fun. I don’t want to step in and run the ship so to speak. However, the last two trips I’ve come to a realization. I’ve had the last 2.5 years to develop as a parent right alongside P’s growth. D has not had that luxury. I remember days when i couldn’t figure anything out but with time I’ve come to find my rhythm. When D regroups with us I assume he can pick up where I am. I forget P has gone through changes and he’s playing catch up with her and trying to sort it out all over again.
On this trip we had some rough days because P wasn’t listening to either one of us…consistently. By me stepping back it gives P the room to do as she pleases because D isn’t sure of how to handle her. I finally stepped back in to structure her days, time, etc how we normally are. When the expectations of how she was to behave came back she got better. We did have to chat about her respecting her father. I never wanted to be the “enforcer” parent but I guess I am.
P’s running of the show with him is so obvious and deliberate. For example, with me she hasn’t had an potty accident in a long while. The first day alone with D he came back home after she peed in her pants three times! I give him so much credit. I can’t imagine being in his shoes. After working long hours, with tough people, he comes home to her pushing his boundaries.
D cracks me up tho. I was home today working on a project. He took P to music class in the morning and when he left he says ” Don’t clean a thing. Work on your project I’ll clean the house when I get back.” I wondered to myself, if I have a hard time cleaning the house with P how is he going to do it? I thought he might have a trick up his sleeve.
It’s 10pm. D’s asleep with no duvet or clean sheets because laundry didn’t get done. The house doesn’t look much different than it did this morning. By nap time he was so pooped he relaxed by playing a video game. I know exactly how he feels so I didn’t want to point out any of the short comings. Plus, he made it to the grocery store with her. I remember when that was a major accomplishment in my day and I consider it a HUGE accomplishment for his.
I love you D. You’re a great father in ways I don’t think you even know.
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