In the Sunday’s LA Times there was an article called “Hits and Mrs.; A new generation of female bloggers is championing the importance of being a good wife and partner”. Being a blogger and and stay at home mom I had to read and now comment about this topic.
I’ve meant to write about being a stay at home mom before. I find it to be a touchy subject amongst women. When the subject does come up in conversation at a dinner party…I mean play date I’m quick to state my opinion. Regardless of whether you choose to work or stay at home there is no easy solution and you will constantly look at the other option and wonder if you made the right choice.
I do not look down upon women who work. Often, I have a bit of envy. They get to have real conversations with adults and wear real clothes on a daily basis. Then I remember staying at home is the choice that suits me. This decision allows me to sleep at night with my control freak personality. And, most people or women forget that this choice that we all make is made with factors like a mortgage, rent, bills and debt thrown into the balance. We don’t get to choose without strings attached.
It is a fact that women today have twice the amount of work and responsibility they did back in 1950. Women went into the workforce but men didn’t really come home and start taking over the cleaning or house work. Did you know most vacations and recreational activities are now advertised towards women? It’s because women are now the more stressed of the two. They contribute financially and they are now making the vacation choices for their families. Therefore, advertisers are talking to them not the husbands.
I understand the women who write about “being the good wife”. I think, for me and what I want for my family, staying at home is the best option. However, it really annoys me when the “June Cleavers” of today forget that we women now have a choice to be June Cleaver or Carly Fiorina. We can choose. Whereas in 1950 we did not have a choice, we had an expectation. That is a huge difference. I am grateful to the women who fought for us to have choices today. I am grateful to them because when I feel my children don’t need me 24/7 I can go make another fulfilling life for myself and be a role model for my daughter.
It also annoys me that being a stay at home mom and wife is stereotypically thought of as being a stepfordwife. I really dislike women like Taryn Cox, who was written about in The Times. She has wife rules. ” WIFE rule No. 14: “The perfect WIFE should have the most beautiful and neat handwriting. This always comes in handy when writing Thank You notes, Addressing Cards, and Sharing Recipes” These are the kind of comments that make the job of motherhood/wife/home manager seem likes its a fluff job. Hand writing? Seriously? This is her biggest worry.
When I’m filling out any kind of form I list “MOTHER” as my occupation. People laugh. It’s not a joke. I don’t take my job as a joke. I don’t worry about hand writing! That is part of one’s personality not a fucking font I choose for my mechanical arm. I research every decision I make for our home from toilet paper to pool man. But these decisions seem inconsequential to people. And it’s these stupid stepfordwife women who promote the idea that our decisions in the home are inconsequential because they make the above comments. Did you know that certain brands of toilet paper actually cause colon cancer? Most people don’t know this. I do because it is my job to keep my family safe.
I was an art coordinator on commercials. I had $500,000 budgets and hired up to 40 people for a job that only lasted a month it was so fast paced. Keeping my crew happy and motivated is no different than keeping my kid and husband happy and motivated. Managing my time in the production office is no different than managing my time here at home. In fact, another thing both motherhood and coordinator have in common is that the only place I can get quiet, alone time is on the toilet.
My home is my office. It’s my company. Pool man, maid, gardener, nanny, etc they are all my crew. This is my domain and I take it as seriously as I did a close to six figure salary job. Ah….and there in lies the difference. This job does not come with a paycheck to show my worth, talent, or intelligence.
In “domesticated diva world” the worth of their jobs comes from the size of the rock on their finger and the amount of leisure time they have to practice their penmanship. Women and world, that version of wife and mother is very different than the role I and many other 2010 women live. The stay at home mom of today is not the same as the one from the 50’s. Same as the job description for a secretary in 1950 is drastically different than the job description for one in 2010.
If you choose to be a stay at home mom today, bring to this job the same qualifications you took to all your other jobs. For the sake of all women take pride in this job for it will be the most lasting and impacting job you will ever do. Leaving another individual on this planet is the largest fingerprint you will leave behind.
My husband and I run our “corporation” as a partnership. He brings in the money to run our industry and I do the project management to execute the projects. It takes both of us to run this ship. I don’t stand behind him and he doesn’t stand behind me. We are both aware of how much we need each other to make it work.
So goodbye 1950’s house wife and hello 2010 Domestic CEO. And that is how I feel about the subject.
