D and I have put trying to have a baby on hold for a couple months. There are projects I need to get done around the house which involve the use of chemicals or handling of materials that I can’t do if I’m pregnant. We have a method for home improvement projects. When D’s off, he watches P and I do the work. To me it’s not work. It’s therapeutic and I am good with tools and stuff so it’s a great trade off. I get a break from P and P gets to hang with her much loved Pappa.
Turns out the miscarriage and hiatus are a really good thing. About two weeks ago I went to the doctor for half a day to get a slew of tests done. I had been feeling chest pains, heart palpitations, and tightness of breath for about three weeks. The difficulty breathing had been happening since January but I didn’t figure this out until after the fact. When you go into the doctor with these symptoms they take it quite seriously. I had chest x-rays, lung capacity test, an EKG and finally I went to see a cardiologist who did even more tests. Many of these exams could not have happened if I had been pregnant.
Turns out my lungs were congested. It seems the lack of oxygen was making my heart unhappy thus the palpitations. I was given antibiotics and almost immediately I could breathe better. I could run again. I went to yoga 6 days after starting to take meds and it is there where I noticed the dramatic change in lung capacity. Unbelievable.
I can’t even begin to imagine my health had I still been carrying a baby! If my heart was already stressed out how would it have felt during a pregnancy. In hindsight, losing the last pregnancy was a blessing. I am able to get healthy, get the projects I need finished finished and lose weight. Another thing the doctor told me I needed to do. Then I’ll be able to relax and enjoy the blessing of pregnancy and a new life. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’ll never have another child because we missed our window of opportunity. Who knows, but I have to think of the positive aspect of what life is giving me right now. I’m also a believer of everything happens for a reason.
I think I’m going to throw out the ovulation and pregnancy tests. I’m going to enjoy the process regardless how long it takes. My yoga teacher, who I’ve bonded with, has me doing a series of inversions that are to prepare me for pregnancy. It’s amazing. My body is getting stronger and my mind feels like it’s freeing itself from my self inflicted pressure of making this happen. It can’t hurt the being that is to come or the two who are with me now.
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