It’s my birthday today. I’m 38. I’m exactly where I wanted to be at this age. I’m happily married. I have a child whom I get to spend my days with. She is my full-time job. These were the things I really, really wanted for my life by this age. Some parts seem to have fallen in my lap. Others, I feel like I’ve been to hell and back just to sustain or acquire.
Every year, about a week before my birthday, I call my mom and I start the process of asking her where she was exactly X years ago. (the X corresponding to the age I’m about to turn). I ask her how she felt. What she worried about. I was the first born so I’m curious to know what this meant to her. I’ll call my mom throughout the week until I get to my birthday. I love hearing my birth story. Always have.
This year I think I’ll ask my mom about what she felt the days after I was born. Now, that I’m a mom I realize that after the baby comes it’s so overwhelming. I also just realized I never asked my dad to tell me my birth story. What was it like for him. He passed away in January so I won’t ever get to know.
My need to know about my own birth story and childhood is what motivates me to document so much of P’s life. I want her to have all these stories so she knows what I was thinking…. really. My mom retells my story every year but I know every year the emotions fade a little more and only the details of time and weight remain.
So, at this time in my life I feel happy. Grateful. I feel like a survivor. I feel blessed to have the drive of always searching for a better life for my family. I feel strong as a parent. I know I make mistakes daily but when I look at P and I see her confidence and her happiness I feel I’m mostly doing a good job.
For the future, I wish for another child. A boy or a girl would make us just as happy. Whomever God feels will compliment our team the best. I wish for health to continue experiencing life to its fullest with my children and husband.
I wish for financial security….. actually I’ll be so bold as to wish for financial abundance. I want the kind of security where bills are never an issue and grand vacation adventures are always expected. And I want the wisdom that is needed to balance that wealth and to put it to its best use.
I wish that when the time is right, I may find a career that fulfills me. I ache for something in my life that pushes my creativity and makes me happy so my children can see the difference between a job and a career. I’d like them to pursue a passion, not a job.
And I wish to find more peace and happiness inside me every day.
happy birthday my friend! (i feel very lucky to call you that.) may the year ahead bring you much peace, happiness and joy. (and that chanel wallet!)
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happy birthday my friend! (i feel very lucky to call you that.) may the year ahead bring you much peace, happiness and joy. (and that chanel wallet!)
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happy birthday my friend! (i feel very lucky to call you that.) may the year ahead bring you much peace, happiness and joy. (and that chanel wallet!)
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